#Ayodhaya 6 : Who do u hate less ?

Watching this Ayodhya Verdict on TV is a matter of deciding who you hate less.Barkha Dutt,Rajdeep Sardesai or Arnab Goswami.

#Ayodhaya 5 : Only he can tell verdict ?

Bring back paul the octopus to predict Ayodhya Verdict...would have been over in minutes!

#Ayodhaya 4 : Barkha, Rajdeep & Arnab

Dear Arnab, Barkha, Rajdeep, today i'm not worried if India will behave responsibly. Its the three of you I'm worried about! (Ayodhya)

Center scraps UID card in favor of UID t-shirts with numbers

After Ranjana Sonawane, the first recipient of the UID number expressed confusion over how could a 12-digt number on a smartcard help her, the government has decided to scrap cards and give UID t-shirts instead, so that the recipient see an immediate benefit of becoming a number.

The step is also believed to save huge costs as the budget of the UID scheme was earlier slashed to half.

As part of the new scheme, every Indian citizen will now be issued a t-shirt with his/her name and a number on the back for easy identification. The Prime Minister will have the honor of wearing the number “one” shirt whilst the higher numbers will be allocated on a tatkal system, with the “luckiest” numbers expected to go for crores in a public bidding to be organized by axed members of the IPL governing council.

Under the proposed scheme, each region will also be allotted a color. However, the allotment of red for Bengalis is causing controversy, whilst Kashmiris are campaigning to for a green and brown mix and a white option for winter. Punjab is in uproar as the news spread that the entire state will be forced to wear pink. The RSS has issued a statement arguing that all shirts should be saffron and the color variants are an “attempt to divide and conquer”, whilst many tribals want to know what exactly a t-shirt is.

But the scheme has proved popular with law enforcement authorities. “This will halve our work load,” said P.L Dutta, a police sergeant in Rohini, “finding criminals is difficult. We have to leave the police station, talk to people, write things down and remember things. With numbers all we have to do is write down the culprit’s number and drive around until we find him; or someone a few digits higher or lower who may know where he is.”

However, security experts claim that identity theft will become reach epidemic proportions. “People will employ guards for their washing lines,” said Nitish Patel, a security consultant, “I foresee a black market of stolen t-shirts and fake identities; we’ll see armed robberies carried out by people with “Mickey Mouse” or “Suresh Kalmadi” written on their shirts. All this will make police work more difficult,” explained Patel.

Faking News put Mr Patel’s comments to sergeant Dutta, who commented, “Shit, we didn’t think of that. Could they use tattoos?”

But it seems it’s too late and a pilot project is already underway, even as it is reported to be facing problems.

One Bengali man’s red t-shirt faded in the wash. “It has gone pink,” explains Sushmit, 44, “now people think I’m Punjabi and I can’t convince them otherwise. It’s been going on for weeks now. Some days I even wake up and think – ooh, I could murder some butter chicken right now – I’m in turmoil. I’ve even started drinking this stuff,” he says, holding up a half empty bottle of Blender’s Pride, “I don’t know why; it’s bloody horrible.”

But his wife is less perturbed, “I’m just waiting for him to earn some cash and buy a Honda City,” she told Faking News.

Historians point out that the policy is not new or original. In 1881 the British attempted a similar scheme. However, it failed as there was not enough variation in the tweeds used to tell a Rajput from a Yadav at a range of 300m.

The t-shirts were initially to have featured a barcode, but it was pointed out that if they failed as often as shop barcodes do, then the authorities would have to input around 1-1.1bn serial numbers by hand, without any scope for underhand dealings.

Early bids for the tender to manufacture the 1.1bn t-shirts were made by several CWG suppliers, but the Centre pointed out that the project budget would not stretch to Rs.2 lakhs per shirt as it would defeat the purpose of cost-cutting. Several Chinese firms are reported to have submitted negative bids. A final decision is pending.

Earlier, the government had plans to include “bum sizes” of every Indian in its UID card or Aadhar project, as reported by Faking News. The plan was abandoned after several Lok Sabha members, who were due to participate in the launch of the pilot scheme, refused to let information concerning the size of their bottoms come out into the public sphere.

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#Ayodhaya 3 : Mazhab nahi sikhata

मज़हब नहीं सिखाता आपस में बैर रखना.. पर भई, आपस में भाईचारा रखना भी तो नहीं सिखाता ढंग से

#office humour : Dont be a DOG !

A leader leads... A manager drives... And a Dog barks... So don't b a dog pls !

#Ayodhaya 2 : Ayodhya & Jadeja

Instead of a Mosque or a temple at Ayodhya,lets build a cricket stadium.That way we can all criticize Ravindra Jadeja when he plays there

#IIPM jokes : Stupidest blog ever - ARINDAM CHAUDHURI

Disclaimer :
All characters and events in this blog—even those based on real people—are entirely fictional. The following blog is a disgrace to humanity and should be visited at your own risk or if you are drunk and totally wasted.
Funny Chaddi takes no responsibility if you feel queasy after reading the matter of this article or looking directly at the owner of this blog (Mr. Arindum Chaidhuri).

IF BJP PLAYS ITS CARDS WELL, KASHMIR COULD BE ITS BIG CHANCE TO STAGE A RETURN!

More than a year ago, I wrote a cover story in this very magazine stating, WHY NOT AZAADI FOR KASHMIR? I argued why keeping unwilling Kashmiris as a part of India was a huge drain on resources as well as on India's moral authority. Moreover, unlike all other parts of India that may also demand independence tomorrow, Kashmir has a huge and long history attached; and worldwide, when such groups have historically staked a claim for their independence, democratic nations have obliged. My article had then triggered a tremendous response – ranging for praise to virulent abuse! I still stand by my point that it is pointless to force Kashmiris to remain with India at gunpoint. This only triggers ill feeling. I have many Kashmiris and Muslims studying in my institute and even working with me. And many are also linked up with me on my Facebook account. When I at times go to their profiles and check out the material that they post, it scares the wits out of me. They are mostly openly anti-India. They write stories of all that they have gone through. They post videos that will make anyone hate India. They themselves almost hate India! And they want azaadi for Kashmir.

Digressing a little . . . 

Cont. at : http://arindamchaudhuri.blogspot.com/2010/09/if-bjp-plays-its-cards-well-kashmir.html

#CWG Jokes 23 : stupidest man alive #IIPM : Arindam Chaudhury

Disclaimer :

All characters and events in this video—even those based on real people—are entirely fictional. The following video is a disgrace to humanity and should be viewed at your own risk or if you are drunk and totally wasted.

Funny Chaddi takes no responsibility if you feel queasy after viewing the matter of this article or looking directly at the star of this video (Mr. Arindum Chaidhuri).

Just look at his expressions, his dicktion.
After watching this video even Funny Chaddi is all wet and Serious !!!

#Obama jokes 12 : Obama-Lincoln & 20 similarities !

Strange Lincoln - Obama Coincidences

1) Lincoln was elected in 1860, Obama was elected in 2008, nearly 150 years later.

2) Lincoln eliminated involuntary servitude. Obama eliminated private sector jobs.

3) Lincoln and Obama were both married to ugly wives who went crazy.

4) Each man's wife gained over forty pounds while living at the White House.

5) Lincoln was hit in the head from behind. Obama hid his head up his behind.

6) Lincoln was shot in Ford's Theater. Obama shot up while riding in a Lincoln made by Ford.

7) Both men had vice-presidents who were illiterate Democrat senators.

8) Andrew Johnson nearly lived to the age of 67. Joe Biden nearly had an IQ of 67.

9) Lincoln was born in KENtucky, Obama was born in KENya - before both moved to Illinois. 

10) LincOln and Obama each had a single letter "O" in their last name.

11) Andrew Johnson had no middle name. Joseph Robinette Biden had a silly one. 

12) JOHN W. BOOTH and BILL C. AYERS each has 10 letters. 

13) A Kennedy told Lincoln to take care of his health.  Ted Kennedy told Obama to pass health care.

14) Lincoln and Obama were both more feminine than Hillary Clinton.

15) Lincoln was placed on the penny. Obama was not quite worth a penny.

16) Lincoln was not a Muslim. Obama was not an admitted Muslim.

17) Neither Lincoln nor Obama ever wrote a book.

18) Lincoln suffered from major depression. Obama caused a major depression.

Tip o'the hat to Gritty-Kitty

19) Lincoln and Obama were both the first President with a beard.

Tip o'the hat to Joe 6-pack

20) Abraham Lincoln had no middle name. You're not allowed to say Barack Obama's middle name.

#Obama jokes 11 : recession, depression & recovery !

It’s a ‘recession’ when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a ‘depression’ when you lose yours; and it’s a ‘recovery’ when Barack Obama loses his.

#Obama jokes 10 : Obama wears turban ?

Q. Why does Obama wear a turban?

A. So he knows which end to wipe!

#Obama jokes 9 : Obama & the Govt. bonds !

Q. What's the difference between Barack Obama and a government bond? 

A. The bond will eventually mature.

#Obama jokes 8 : Fast pizzas !

Under ObamaCare pizzas will get to your house faster than an ambulances.

#office humour : How to Hire ?

Does your Company have a problem in recruiting the right person for the right chair? If yes, try this simple experiment. Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2-3 candidates into the room and close it from outside. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours, and then analyze the situation


 If they are counting and recounting the number of bricks

 - PUT THEM IN THE ACCOUNTS DEPT.


If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks

 - PUT THEM IN ENGINEERING.


If they are arranging the bricks in some other order

 - PUT THEM IN PLANNING.


If they are throwing the bricks at each other

 - PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS.


If they are sleeping

- PUT THEM IN SECURITY.


 If they have broken the bricks into pieces

 - PUT THEM IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY.


 If they are sitting idle

 - PUT THEM IN HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT.


If they have thrown the bricks out of the window

 - PUT THEM IN THE MATERIALS DEPT.


If they have already left for the day

 - PUT THEM IN MARKETING.


AND last but not least....


If they are talking to each other and not a brick has moved

-PUT THEM IN TOP MANAGEMENT

#office humour : Boss says !!!

When your BOSS says "get out", it means you've won the argument.

Ref : http://twitter.com//funnytrends

#office humour : People !

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

Ref : http://twitter.com/funnytrends

#Ayodhaya 1 : Ayodhya versus Rajnikanth

n postponing the Ayodhya verdict to the 29th, the Supreme Court has made a grave tactical blunder. Now, the much awaited verdict will have to compete with that great bugbear of all other media events, a Rajnikanth film release. And not just any Rajnikanth release, but Shankar's Robot, the most expensive Indian film ever made.

It deprives this landmark verdict of a deserved place in the spotlight, and its rightful share of public attention. Now, instead of keenly observing the details of the judgement, analysing its nuances, and randomly rioting like responsible citizens, most of the people of India are going to be happy to sit back and let Rajnikanth be the sole perpetrator of senseless violence (albeit of the on-screen variety) in the days following the verdict. It's unfair to religious loonies (the kind that tear down mosques or blow up cars) of all faiths everywhere.

Consider this :

In one corner, we have the unexciting prospect of three sedate, calm judges of the Allahabad High Court reading out a tedious document in obtuse legal language, which also has a high likelihood of containing archaic english words nobody understands. In the other corner, we have a cyborg Rajnikanth dual-wielding pistols. It's a no-contest.

Do the respected judges of the apex court seriously think that their event, while admittedly anticipated and potentially exciting, could hold public attention while, in cinemas all over the country, Rajnikanth is walking a pair of robotic mecha-lions with glowing eyes? At least if the judges still wore those crazy wigs, they'd stand some chance. Actually, maybe not. Rajnikanth has even more awesome wigs.

Additionally, possibly the only group of people in India who are more irrational, intolerant and devoted to their God than the more clinically insane among Hindu or Muslim fanatics are Rajnikanth worshippers. In fact, the superstar's adoring acolytes are so fearless, they aren't even afraid to anger the mighty Chuck Norris, brazenly lifting famous 'Chuck Norris Facts' and recycling them to represent their own main man (speaking of 'main man', I think Rajnikanth would be an awesome choice to play the intergalactic bounty-hunter Lobo in a screen adaptation. Is Hollywood listening ? ). It's an act of sheer reckless devotion, mainly fuelled by the unflinching belief that their own deity will protect them from the anger of false gods - in other words, Rajnikanth will pwn Chuck Norris' 7177y 455.

And while the majority of Hindus and Muslims are indeed quite sane and reasonable, the same cannot be said of most Rajnikanth fans - who are quick to

strike down non-believers with their fiery wrath

Even Mr.Norris, who would surely wade into a horde of Islamic terrorists or Hindu thugs with the gleeful abandon of a man with a brand new mosquito-killing tennis racquet chancing upon an unsuspecting swarm, would hesitate to tangle with this hard-as-nails bunch. "Hmmm. Better not.", he might say before beating a hasty retreat, exhibiting a streak of wisdom he never displayed while choosing scripts.Â

Which is why it's entirely unwise and rash of the Supreme Court to choose such an inappropriate date for what is possible one of the most important judgements in the history of the nation.

Here's a question for the honourable judges - what's cooler than Rajnikanth? Rajnikanth playing a freaking CYBORG! The only way a cyborg can be any more awesome is if it was played by Rajnikanth. The court should feel grateful that, at least, he isn't playing a cyborg ninja vampire. On a Harley-Davidson. But this is bad enough. At things stand, most people won't even realize that the case that brought down a government and has been raging on for 18 years has finally come to closure. And that's not right.

However, all is not lost. The court can try and salvage things by conducting a cool PR and media campaign to win back some valuable mindshare. Perhaps they could tie up with mobile carriers to create a 'guess the verdict' SMS contest. Or hire Deepika Padukone and that dude who dates Bipasha Basu to appear in ads that say something along the lines of "I'm looking forward to the Ayodhya Verdict. Are you?". Or hire a PR agency to plant lurid, scandalous (and completely untrue) stories in the Page 3 sections about rumoured link-ups between the judges, lawyers and litigants involved. Or set up a 'Fake Chief Justice' account on Twitter that would pro=ceed to tweet funny jokes about the Ayodhya verdict (and also, by force of habit, about the Commonwealth Games) . Or even arrange to broadcast the reading of the verdict in cinemas, in 3-D. Every little bit helps.

Or, best of all, why not get Rajnikanth himself to read out the verdict? That would be truly kickass. The superstar could read the judgement out aloud, and then fold and toss the document back into his pocket in some impossibly stylish way. That would totally work.

As a responsible citizen, I would hate it if the Ayodhya verdict went largely unnoticed by the masses, in the manner of the last few Akshay Kumar starrers, or the Airtel Champions League T20. It's an important event that deserves to be a part of public consciousness. By refusing to acknowledge the sheer awesomeness of Rajnikanth, the Supreme Court has done the whole issue a disservice.

After all that seriousness, I'd like to end with a joke. Anjaana Anjaani.

REF : Yahoo Columns http://tinyurl.com/234nc6f

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#Obama jokes 7 : obama & jimmy Carter !

Q. Why will Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Carter doesn't want to be the worst President in history.

#Obama jokes 6 : heavier than water !

Q. Why is Barack Obama so thin and scrawny?
A. If he were any heavier he wouldn't be able to walk on water.

#Obama jokes 5 : Obama & Britney !

Q. Why will Britney Spears vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because she's running out of other crazy things to do.

#Obama jokes 4 : Jay Leno votes

Q. Why will Jay Leno vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because he's running out of George Bush jokes.

#Obama jokes 3 : Barry to barack ?

Q. Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack?
A. He thought Barry sounded too American.

#Obama jokes 2 : Obama and Osama ?

Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common?
A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.

#Obama jokes 1 : Obama and the little girl !

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flightsgo quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said toThe Obama, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the Obama. "How about What Changes I Should Make To America?" and he smiles.

"OK," she says. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you aquestion first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don't know shit?"

#CWG Jokes 22 : Prince Charles and the Queen !!!

Prince Charles is thanking kalmadi and is actively convincing the Queen to visit dengue hit Cwg Delhi, this may be his last chance to become the king! 

#CWG Jokes 21 : Terrorist

Terrorists set to skip CWG 2010 citing thanx to Kalmadi.Unlivable conditions and fear for their safety .

#CWG Jokes 20 : My Cycle ???

#CWG Jokes 19 : Toilet Paper !

#CWG Jokes 18 : above all is PLAYERS SECURITY !!!

#CWG Jokes 17 : boats on Delhi roads !!!

#CWG Jokes 16 : Kalmadi needs funds ?

#CWG Jokes 15 : Race Track !!!

#CWG Jokes 14 : CWG spelling ???

#CWG Jokes 13 : Kalmadi with batten

#CWG Jokes 12 : Olympic Motto

#CWG Jokes 11

Who is Suresh Kalmadi?

A fox went to Guinness Book of World Record to see if she is still the most cunning animal in the world or not? She came out and angrily shouted. Who the hell is Suresh Kalmadi?

Learn to earn bribe!

Cop 1: We have to learn English quickly. Cop 2: Why? Cop 1: How will we otherwise ask for bribe from these foreigners?

Aamir is CWG Ambassador

CM: We have selected Aamir Khan as the new brand ambassador for CWG. Aamir Khan: All iz well, All iz well.

Medals for money

Man: Which medal do you want? Athelete: But has the CWG started? Man: No. They are selling medals to raise more money.

Ceiling Story

Sad and despondent at he negative coverage for the Commonwealth Games, Organising Committee chief Suresh Kalmadi tried to hang himself.... but the ceiling collapsed

#CWG Jokes 10 : Terrorists Boycott Delhi Commonwealth Games citing safety reasons

In what is being touted as the biggest embarrassment to the Indian Government and the CWG organizing committee, Terrorist groups from all around the world have decided to boycott the Commonwealth Games scheduled to happen between 3rd-14th October 2010 in the world's largest democracy's national capital, New Delhi.

This shocking news broke out late night yesterday after top sources from the LeT & Al-Qaida informed news channels their sudden and sad decision. As per the official spokesperson of the LeT, "It will be a shame that we would not be able to play with our fireworks in New Delhi during the Commonwealth Games, citing safety fears for their recruits, with collapsing ceilings and bridges all over, and with roads full of potholes."

It goes without saying, that the execution capabilities of these terrorists organizations have taken a severe beating with the hopeless infrastructure in place ahead of the Commonwealth Games in New Delhi. The LeT spokesperson added "It has become impossible for our recruits to even roam around in New Delhi easily thanks to the huge traffic jams & pathetic roads, leave aside the mammoth task of transporting the arms and ammunition needed to execute a perfect terror attack".

Viewers all around the world, and specially the Delhi spectators were excited and all prepared to witness the fireworks of LeT and Al-Qaida, especially during the opening ceremony of the Games (unconfirmed sources in LeT confirmed this news). The local population was in a state of shock after the news broke out.

Mr. Aam Aadmi, who was looking forward to the Commonwealth Games in Delhi said"It is a shame that after sporting contingents from different countries have doubted their participation in the games citing filthy accomodation and infrastructure problems, now we even have world famous terror groups boycotting the games. It is a shame and a tight slap on the face of the OC, the government of India, and the entire political class. They are good for nothing!"

Mr. Suresh Kalmadi, the Chairman of the Organizing Committee for the CWG's in New Delhi in response to this major development said "We shall have a world class Commonwealth Games, better than the Beijing Olympics. The terror groups do not know what they are going to miss." In addition, Mr. Kalmadi also burped his future plan of participating in the next bidding for hosting the Olympic Games. Mr. Lalit Bahnot, spokesperson of CWG Delhi said "we hope to welcome the terror groups in future when we host the Olympic Games, and we promise to provide them the best hygiene conditions which will keep them healthy without compromise".

MSN post : Jokes in the time of floundering Games

If you think the Commonwealth Games have just brought grief, misery and embarrassment to the people of the country, you are wrong. The virtual world is flooded with CWG jokes, poems and graphics as the creative sharpen their satirical skills -- bringing on a cynical smile, if not provoking outright laughter.


Ref. MSN news : http://news.in.msn.com/national/article.aspx?cp-documentid=4423821

#CWG Jokes 9

new word kalamadization as in - my toilets are kalamadized. Need to clean them up A dog just kalamadized my bed.