Sarah Palin : Palin in Beijing !

Q: Why did Sarah Palin miss the economic summit in Beijing?

A: She thought the capital of China was Chinatown.

Sarah Palin : Palin & Mind reader

Q. What did the mind reader tell Sarah Palin?

A. "Here's your money back."

Ref. http://palin-jokes.blogspot.com/

Sarah Palin : Public education ?

Q. What is Sarah Palin's position on emphasizing the basics in public education?

A. She supports math instruction 110%.

Ref. http://palin-jokes.blogspot.com/

Rajnikanth & Software Engineers 4

When Rajnikanth clicks on Check Solution in DEVSquare then DEVSquare crashes…..No one can check Rajnikanth’s code

Rajinikanth can execute a program without writing it!!

Compiler doesnot warn Rajnikant , Rajnikant warns compiler .....

Default Value For Rajnikant is DEATH!!!!!!!!

Rajnikant can ROLLBACK A TRUNCATED TABLE!

Rajinikanth invented SQL!!

Rajinikant can access even private member variables from a different package!!!….

Rajinikant can rollback after commit.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is no main function in rajnikant’s code……………….every function is named “RAJNIKANT”
And dare compiler produce an error!

Rajnikanth & Software Engineers 3

THERE IS NO TESTING PHASE IN RAJNIKANT’S SDLC, ALL HIS CODE IS 100 % BUG FREE.

RAJNIKANTH CAN USE HIS BOTH EYES AS PROJECTOR SCREEN FOR 2 PROJECTORS OF THE CLASS…… J

RAJNIKANTH CAN WRITE INTO A READ ONLY FILE

Rajnikanth can initialize objects of abstract class! Nothing abstract about that; if he wants it, he gets it!!!

RAJNIKANT CAN PRINT WITHOUT SETTING SERVER OUTPUT ON

Rajnikant can assign garbage value to global variables…!

RAJNIKANTH CAN REASSIGN VALUES TO FINAL VARIABLES….. :D

RAJNIKANT can copy even from the handson client....

Rajnikant reads only one slide for perception;
As he says “ if I read one slide its similar to reading 100 slides”
Mind it>>>>>>>>>

Rajnikanth & Software Engineers 2

RAJNIKANT CAN WRITE JAVA CODE IN DOTNET AND VICE VERSA AND MAKE IT RUN!!!!!

VISUAL STUDIO NEVER HANGS FOR RAJNIKANT, BECAUSE IF IT HANGS BILL GATES WILL BE HANGED

RAJNIKANT NEVER WRITES TRY CATCH BLOCK, THERE CAN NEVER BE AN ERROR IN HIS CODE.

RAJNIKANT CAN WRITE 100% FOOLPROOF CODE.

RAJNIKANT NEVER FOLLOWS THE SYNTAX FOR ANY PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE, HE DECIDES IT.

RAJNIKANT CAN MAKE DOTNET CODE RUN ON A UNIX MACHINE.

Rajnikanth & the DOG !

Rajinikanth's dogs house has sign on it saying:
"Beware of Owner"!!

Rajnikanth & the medal

Rajnikanth first takes Gold medal and then starts race.

Rajnikanth & Software Engineers 1

There is no separate. server machine in Rajni’s project, his local machine is the project server.

Rajnikanth & numbers

Once rajnikant was murmuring some numbers now it is known as log table.

Rajnikanth went to Himalaya

A Child went to Kashmir & started playing , by making small mountains from ice.

Today those mountains are called “Himalayas” and that child is known as “Rajnikant”

Rajnikanth & Shakira !

Rajnikanth can make shakira's hips lie.

Rajnikanth & Mathematics ?

Rajnikanth can divide by zero

Rajnikanth & Madame Tussad ?

Rajnikanth has a wax statue of Madame Tussad's at his house.

Rajnikanth & PISA !

Rajnikanth once stretched his arms and saved the leaning tower of pisa from falling.

Rajnikanth & 50Cents ?

Rajnikanth once threw a coin in disgust at a black beggar, he is now called 50 cent.

Rajnikanth & FiatPadmini ?

Once #Rajnikanth was having sex in a Fiat Padmini, when one of his sperm escaped and got into the engine. Today dat Fiat is known as FERRARI.

Rajnikanth & Choli ?

#rajnikanth knows...................... "CHOLI KE PEECHE KYA HAI"

Rajnikanth & Computers !

RAJNIKANTH CAN WRITE INTO A READ ONLY FILE.

Rajnikanth & Anaconda ?

Anaconda was shot in rajnikanth s underwear !!

Rajni & Mcdonald

Rajnikanth can make a happy meal cry !

Rajnikantha & wife !

Rajnikanth can make his wife accept her mistakes.

THE POWER OF RAJNIKANTH !

1. Only #rajnikanth knows how I met your mother.
2. News - Its official now... The missing piece of the Apple logo was eaten by#Rajnikanth
3. Rajnikanth bit a mosquito and gave him malaria.
4. Rajnikanth is making a movie called 'Twitter' and he's going to be playing all 140 characters.
5. "In 2020 Robots will make a movie called Rajnikanth"
6. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures #Rajnikanth has allowed to live.
7. Once Dinosaurs borrowed money from Rajnikanth and refused to pay him back.. That was the last time anyone saw Dinosaurs.
8. A girl lost her virginity & went crying to#rajnikanth...he got it back for her!!
9. Dead Sea's secret behind its name revealed. It tried to mess withRajnikanth
10. if the apple would have fallen on Rajnikanth, we would be living in a world without gravity
11. If a tiger had sex with a tornado & then their tiger-nado baby got married to an earthquake, their offspring would beRajnikanth
12. BREAKING NEWS: The world won't end in 2012; Rajnikanthjust bought a laptop with 3 yrs warranty!
13. Rajnikanthdoesnt need a debugger. He just stares at the bug till the code confesses.
14. Rajnikanth once had a fight with a VCR....now it plays DVDs
15. #Rajnikanth has already been to #Mars. Thats why there are no signs of life there.
16. #Rajnikanth knows Victoria's secret.
17. When we r scared of something we say#Omg , But when #God is in fear he says Oh My #Rajnikanth
18. 'Harvard got its MBA from#Rajnikanth''
19. #Rajni comes to Big Boss house & says ''Rajnikanth chahate hain ki Big Boss confession room mein aaye!"
20. Rajnikanth has counted to infinity, twice.
21. Only rajnikanth knows who the fuck Alice is!
22. When you say “no one is perfect”, Rajinikant takes this as a personal insult.
23. Rajinikant got his drivers license at the age of 16 seconds.
24. Time and tide wait for Rajinikanth.
25. Rajinikant doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
26. Rajinikant once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
27. Google won't find Rajinikanth because you don't find Rajinikanth; Rajinikanth finds you.
28. Rajinikanth doesn't move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajinikanth.
29. Rajinikanth kills Harry Potter in the eighth book.
30. Rajinikanth can make onions cry.
31. Rajinikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
32. Rajinikanth is a champion in the game "Hide n' seek", as no one can hide from Rajinikanth.
33. Rajnikant can answer a missed call.
34. Rajinikanth gave Mona Lisa that smile.

#CWG Jokes : Kalmadi is BACK !!! OCT 6th

Kalmadi foot in mouth: 'Diana was here!'

#Smoking Jokes : Smoker to his GF !

Sensible lines by a smoker to his GF: "If you don't wanna see me smoking, then you better find other ways to keep my lips busy!"

#Cebu Pacific Airlines Dancing Flight attendants !

#Cricket : Laxman Vs Rajni Vs Uday ???

Just admit it.The Aussies will never figure out Laxman just like Uday Chopra can't figure out why his films flop and Rajni's are superhits

#Cricket : Ram Vs Laxman

Last week belonged to Ram. This week belongs to Laxman.

#Cricket : Aussies the invincible !

There used to be an invincible cricket team called Aussies; then came VVSLaxman.

#Cricket : Laxman Vs Australia ?

The day VVS LAXMAN retires from Test cricket, it will be a National holiday in Australia.

#Jokes : God gave us tears ?

God gave us tears to cry over cuts & stiches, not to cry over bastards & bitches.

#Lipdub - Cool video by Young director

#Rajnikanth style ?

The Rajnikanth way ::::::::

1. Rajnikanth counted to infinity - twice.
2. When Rajnikant does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth
down.
3. Rajnikant is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
4. Rajnikant doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
5. Rajnikant gave Mona Lisa that smile.
6. Rajnikant can divide by zero.

‎7. If you Google search "Rajnikant getting kicked" you will generate zero results.
8. It takes Rajnikant 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
9. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikant kicked one of the corners off.
10. Rajnikanth makes onions cry.
11. Rajnikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
12. Rajnikanth can drown a fish.

‎13. When Rajnikanth once looked in a mirror the mirror shatters, because the glass came in between Rajnikanth and Rajnikanth.
14.If you spell Rajnikanth wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Rajnikanth? " It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

15. Rajnikanth can kill two stones with one bird.

16. Rajnikanth studies at IIM, and made it beyond IIPM.
17. Rajnikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
18. Rajinikanth knows Victoria's secret.
19. Rajnikant's e-mail id is gmail@rajanikanth.com

20. Rajnikanth reincarnated in the form of Mr.Arindum Chowdhury.

#Pathan riding a bike

#Ayodhaya 6 : Who do u hate less ?

Watching this Ayodhya Verdict on TV is a matter of deciding who you hate less.Barkha Dutt,Rajdeep Sardesai or Arnab Goswami.

#Ayodhaya 5 : Only he can tell verdict ?

Bring back paul the octopus to predict Ayodhya Verdict...would have been over in minutes!

#Ayodhaya 4 : Barkha, Rajdeep & Arnab

Dear Arnab, Barkha, Rajdeep, today i'm not worried if India will behave responsibly. Its the three of you I'm worried about! (Ayodhya)

Center scraps UID card in favor of UID t-shirts with numbers

After Ranjana Sonawane, the first recipient of the UID number expressed confusion over how could a 12-digt number on a smartcard help her, the government has decided to scrap cards and give UID t-shirts instead, so that the recipient see an immediate benefit of becoming a number.

The step is also believed to save huge costs as the budget of the UID scheme was earlier slashed to half.

As part of the new scheme, every Indian citizen will now be issued a t-shirt with his/her name and a number on the back for easy identification. The Prime Minister will have the honor of wearing the number “one” shirt whilst the higher numbers will be allocated on a tatkal system, with the “luckiest” numbers expected to go for crores in a public bidding to be organized by axed members of the IPL governing council.

Under the proposed scheme, each region will also be allotted a color. However, the allotment of red for Bengalis is causing controversy, whilst Kashmiris are campaigning to for a green and brown mix and a white option for winter. Punjab is in uproar as the news spread that the entire state will be forced to wear pink. The RSS has issued a statement arguing that all shirts should be saffron and the color variants are an “attempt to divide and conquer”, whilst many tribals want to know what exactly a t-shirt is.

But the scheme has proved popular with law enforcement authorities. “This will halve our work load,” said P.L Dutta, a police sergeant in Rohini, “finding criminals is difficult. We have to leave the police station, talk to people, write things down and remember things. With numbers all we have to do is write down the culprit’s number and drive around until we find him; or someone a few digits higher or lower who may know where he is.”

However, security experts claim that identity theft will become reach epidemic proportions. “People will employ guards for their washing lines,” said Nitish Patel, a security consultant, “I foresee a black market of stolen t-shirts and fake identities; we’ll see armed robberies carried out by people with “Mickey Mouse” or “Suresh Kalmadi” written on their shirts. All this will make police work more difficult,” explained Patel.

Faking News put Mr Patel’s comments to sergeant Dutta, who commented, “Shit, we didn’t think of that. Could they use tattoos?”

But it seems it’s too late and a pilot project is already underway, even as it is reported to be facing problems.

One Bengali man’s red t-shirt faded in the wash. “It has gone pink,” explains Sushmit, 44, “now people think I’m Punjabi and I can’t convince them otherwise. It’s been going on for weeks now. Some days I even wake up and think – ooh, I could murder some butter chicken right now – I’m in turmoil. I’ve even started drinking this stuff,” he says, holding up a half empty bottle of Blender’s Pride, “I don’t know why; it’s bloody horrible.”

But his wife is less perturbed, “I’m just waiting for him to earn some cash and buy a Honda City,” she told Faking News.

Historians point out that the policy is not new or original. In 1881 the British attempted a similar scheme. However, it failed as there was not enough variation in the tweeds used to tell a Rajput from a Yadav at a range of 300m.

The t-shirts were initially to have featured a barcode, but it was pointed out that if they failed as often as shop barcodes do, then the authorities would have to input around 1-1.1bn serial numbers by hand, without any scope for underhand dealings.

Early bids for the tender to manufacture the 1.1bn t-shirts were made by several CWG suppliers, but the Centre pointed out that the project budget would not stretch to Rs.2 lakhs per shirt as it would defeat the purpose of cost-cutting. Several Chinese firms are reported to have submitted negative bids. A final decision is pending.

Earlier, the government had plans to include “bum sizes” of every Indian in its UID card or Aadhar project, as reported by Faking News. The plan was abandoned after several Lok Sabha members, who were due to participate in the launch of the pilot scheme, refused to let information concerning the size of their bottoms come out into the public sphere.

Kindle Wireless Reading Device, Wi-Fi, 6" Display, Graphite - Latest Generation

#Ayodhaya 3 : Mazhab nahi sikhata

मज़हब नहीं सिखाता आपस में बैर रखना.. पर भई, आपस में भाईचारा रखना भी तो नहीं सिखाता ढंग से

#office humour : Dont be a DOG !

A leader leads... A manager drives... And a Dog barks... So don't b a dog pls !

#Ayodhaya 2 : Ayodhya & Jadeja

Instead of a Mosque or a temple at Ayodhya,lets build a cricket stadium.That way we can all criticize Ravindra Jadeja when he plays there

#IIPM jokes : Stupidest blog ever - ARINDAM CHAUDHURI

Disclaimer :
All characters and events in this blog—even those based on real people—are entirely fictional. The following blog is a disgrace to humanity and should be visited at your own risk or if you are drunk and totally wasted.
Funny Chaddi takes no responsibility if you feel queasy after reading the matter of this article or looking directly at the owner of this blog (Mr. Arindum Chaidhuri).

IF BJP PLAYS ITS CARDS WELL, KASHMIR COULD BE ITS BIG CHANCE TO STAGE A RETURN!

More than a year ago, I wrote a cover story in this very magazine stating, WHY NOT AZAADI FOR KASHMIR? I argued why keeping unwilling Kashmiris as a part of India was a huge drain on resources as well as on India's moral authority. Moreover, unlike all other parts of India that may also demand independence tomorrow, Kashmir has a huge and long history attached; and worldwide, when such groups have historically staked a claim for their independence, democratic nations have obliged. My article had then triggered a tremendous response – ranging for praise to virulent abuse! I still stand by my point that it is pointless to force Kashmiris to remain with India at gunpoint. This only triggers ill feeling. I have many Kashmiris and Muslims studying in my institute and even working with me. And many are also linked up with me on my Facebook account. When I at times go to their profiles and check out the material that they post, it scares the wits out of me. They are mostly openly anti-India. They write stories of all that they have gone through. They post videos that will make anyone hate India. They themselves almost hate India! And they want azaadi for Kashmir.

Digressing a little . . . 

Cont. at : http://arindamchaudhuri.blogspot.com/2010/09/if-bjp-plays-its-cards-well-kashmir.html

#CWG Jokes 23 : stupidest man alive #IIPM : Arindam Chaudhury

Disclaimer :

All characters and events in this video—even those based on real people—are entirely fictional. The following video is a disgrace to humanity and should be viewed at your own risk or if you are drunk and totally wasted.

Funny Chaddi takes no responsibility if you feel queasy after viewing the matter of this article or looking directly at the star of this video (Mr. Arindum Chaidhuri).

Just look at his expressions, his dicktion.
After watching this video even Funny Chaddi is all wet and Serious !!!

#Obama jokes 12 : Obama-Lincoln & 20 similarities !

Strange Lincoln - Obama Coincidences

1) Lincoln was elected in 1860, Obama was elected in 2008, nearly 150 years later.

2) Lincoln eliminated involuntary servitude. Obama eliminated private sector jobs.

3) Lincoln and Obama were both married to ugly wives who went crazy.

4) Each man's wife gained over forty pounds while living at the White House.

5) Lincoln was hit in the head from behind. Obama hid his head up his behind.

6) Lincoln was shot in Ford's Theater. Obama shot up while riding in a Lincoln made by Ford.

7) Both men had vice-presidents who were illiterate Democrat senators.

8) Andrew Johnson nearly lived to the age of 67. Joe Biden nearly had an IQ of 67.

9) Lincoln was born in KENtucky, Obama was born in KENya - before both moved to Illinois. 

10) LincOln and Obama each had a single letter "O" in their last name.

11) Andrew Johnson had no middle name. Joseph Robinette Biden had a silly one. 

12) JOHN W. BOOTH and BILL C. AYERS each has 10 letters. 

13) A Kennedy told Lincoln to take care of his health.  Ted Kennedy told Obama to pass health care.

14) Lincoln and Obama were both more feminine than Hillary Clinton.

15) Lincoln was placed on the penny. Obama was not quite worth a penny.

16) Lincoln was not a Muslim. Obama was not an admitted Muslim.

17) Neither Lincoln nor Obama ever wrote a book.

18) Lincoln suffered from major depression. Obama caused a major depression.

Tip o'the hat to Gritty-Kitty

19) Lincoln and Obama were both the first President with a beard.

Tip o'the hat to Joe 6-pack

20) Abraham Lincoln had no middle name. You're not allowed to say Barack Obama's middle name.